


All my love

by pinkphoeniixx



Category: Eurovision Song Contest RPF
Genre: Best Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 01:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16029827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkphoeniixx/pseuds/pinkphoeniixx
Summary: Falling for your best friend was s clique and he knew that. But he couldn't help it.Every smile,every touch they shared made him fall even deeper.And now,there was no escape,he had given him all his love.





	All my love

**Author's Note:**

> Before this mess of a fic starts I want to say that I know some people are bothered when somebody is shipping Benjix, and if you are one of them I kindly ask you to skip that fic and live happily.  
> However,if you love Benjix like me, thank you for reading my fic and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Let's begin <3

It had been a rather long day and the only thing Felix wanted was to get to his bed as soon as possible. Lately he felt like he couldn't take a moment to relax. Everyday , for the past weeks, had been so busy. 

After Melodifestivalen his solo career had been going very well, his first single'' Every single day'' was topping the charts,he was becoming a household name in his home country Sweden and the pressure to release new,good music was constantly on his shoulders. After the release of his second single ''Imprint'' he was doing many radio shows and gigs, for which he was grateful of course. It made him happy that people enjoy his music. 

But lately he felt like he couldn't take a breath. He hadn't seen his family in weeks, because he didn't had the time to go back to his homecity Värmdö , the only thing connecting them being the long conversations one the phone. He really missed them,he missed his old house, he missed his dogs. 

But he had made his choice, and he was gonna follow the path of music even if that meant being away from his loved ones. 

Well not all his loved ones.

 

His best friend from forever Benjamin was living in Stockholm too. In fact it was Benjamin, who pushed and supported Felix to get out of Värmdö and to try and make it in the music industry. And Felix was glad that he did, because at this point of his life, he didn't know what would he do without music .

Music had became a piece of his soul. Music was the rhythm of his soul. It flows through his veins and swirls in his head. It makes his fingers drum and his feet tap. Felix felt like music had the power to transcends the everyday monotony to make each fresh morning a new journey of sounds. His voice was his instrument and he felt like he needed to sing every single day to survive. To him music meant life and life was music. It's in everything he sees. It's in the air he breathes. It's in his DNA. 

Music was one of the few things that he loved with deep passion, others being his family,his dogs and of course Benjamin.

Benjamin.

That name made his heart warm and break every single time he heard it.  
Benjamin was his friend, well all his life. He didn't recall a day without his presence. 

They met when they were kids and Benjamin started to go in his kindergarten,because his mom and dad had separated and now he and his sister were living with his mom's new boyfriend in Värmdö. But when they eventually splitted, and the day Benjamin had to leave it was the worst day of Felix' s life. When they hugged for the last time, Felix really didn't want to let him go , he even gave him his favorite toy- a blue teddy bear,as a sign that he will never forget about him,and as a reassurance that there is somenting that is reminding Benjamin of him. They promised each other to never lose contact,to find each other no matter what .

And they really did. 

It started as a call a week from their mother's phone, then when they had their own ones they talked every day, and they visited each other twice a year. That was until Felix turned 18 and had finished school and applied for a college, in Stockholm of course. When they accepted him,he was on top of the world. Eventually he decided to drop school for a while and focus on music. The best decision of his life.

Now he was living in Stockholm with his best friend and he was doing the thing he dreamed of all his life. He was truly happy.

Well, almost.

Living under the same roof with your best friend was a dream for many people. And Felix really thought It was his too.

But it was hard.

He was not a fool. He was aware that his feelings for Benjamin were more than the feelings he had for his other friends. Actually he had know for some time now. He had suspected about his feelings, but the thing that made him realize he had a crush happened four monts ago, when one morning he saw Benjamin dancing and singing his new song. Felix really found that captivating and the fact that Benjamin was shirtless didn't help that much. It was a small moment,that if you blink you''ll miss,but that moment made everything clear in Felix's mind. Somehow hearing that voice and seeing that smile at that exact moment send shivers down his spine and made his skin tingle. It woke up the storm in his heart,that were his feelings for Benjamin.

From that moment on,he was head over heels for his best friend. Benjamin was always there in his mind. Everyday when he saw him, that was it. When their eyes locked, Felix felt like his eyes burn his like he's been staring at the sun for too long. Benjamin was his best friend, but he would never be anything more. That much Felix already knew and that thought broke his heart every morning when he woke up and every night when he felt asleep.

And that didn't change tonight.

 

__*__

It was getting really late and Benjamin was already tired of waiting for him. It had been an hour now and it seemed like Felix wasn't gonna pick up his phone any time soon. He was supposed to finish with his interview and come pick Benjamin up from the studio and go to their friend Kian's party.

Instead he was laying on the couch it the studio's lobby, curling his fingers around the soft blanked put on top,while hoping Felix would pick his damn phone.

Ring, ring.

He was getting really mad. Not because they were going to miss the party,but because he hadn't seen Felix in such a long time and now he wasn't gonna see him again.

After Eurovision he was very busy with concerts and gigs, he was traveling to different city almost every week and when he was not, he was working on new music,because according to his manager now was the perfect time to shine. 

He barely slept, what was left for seeing his family or friends. But the rare times he was home, Felix wasn't, being busy with promiting his new music. 

Now don't get him wrong, Benjamin was really happy that his best friend was getting the recognition,which actually he deserved the most. 

But he missed him and he couldn't help it.

He missed seeing him,he missed talking to him and he really missed their old selves.

He missed the times when in a cold night,which was often in Stockholm, they would put on a movie and make lot's of caramel popcorn,which he hated ,but it didn't matter because it was Felix's favorite.

He missed their arguments about what movie to watch. Felix always wanted the scary ones and Benjamin almost always let him win the argument because that meant cuddling if they got scared.

And that was the thing he missed the most. 

When he hugged Felix he felt like touching a little piece of heaven,warm and cozy. He felt at home in his arms,like with no one else. Being in his arms bringed him peace,be had never known before and calmness for the storms in his heart.

He loved and missed touching Felix, but never in a sexual way, never anywhere other than his face, his hands, his soft light brown hair. When they touched, Benjamin felt his warmth seeping into his being, comforting him without ever opening his mouth. He'd melt into the touch and surrender like he belonged next to him. And each time before they parted the aching to be in his arms would begin anew.

This feelings he had,felt weird at first but when eventually he accepted them, he fell in love with the idea of falling in love.

There were of course the pain of knowing that between them there was never going to be more than the philia, the platonic love.

But at the same time he was excited to find that he was capable of loving someone in the true meaning of the word,not simply desiring them.

And now he had accepted his faith, that whenever he saw Felix his heart would fill with the sweet pain of the one sided love.

But now Felix wasn't here and actually he couldn't be here either. He had to be at Kian's party so he called a taxi and got outside to wait for it.  
He had a plan,not a good one but a plan. The plan mostly included drinking, messing with some hot strangers , trying to dance him off his mind and not feeling stuck in time while trying to forget him.

Not the best plan,but a plan.

__*__

It was a loud knocking at the door that woke up Felix that night. He opened his eyes,feeling like he was sick from the sudden shock.

In the darkness he moved slowly, trying to find his phone on the bed beside him. 

It was passing 3am. He breathed out,annoyed by the insane person,still knocking on the door in this unholy hour. He got out of the bed,walked to the front door and looked through the peephole on the door. 

 

Oh shit.

Felix opened the door slowly , already forming an apology in his head.

-Kian, I'm so sorry, I was accidentally..

Felix was interrupted by Benjamin jumping in his arms immediately when he sensed the presence of the other boy. It all happened so fast, that Felix took a few steps back, almost falling and dragging his obviously drunk best friend with him.

\- It's okay man,you didn't missed much. But he got drunk and I offered him to crash on my couch but he didn't stop whining how much he misses you.-Kian gave him a phone and keys,that belonged to the boy in his arms.

-You smell so nice,you are so pretty and I like you so much.- Benjamin said out if nowhere,while burying his face in Felix's neck.

\- Am I missing something,did you guys finally got together? - Kian looked really confused by the scene in front of his eyes.

-No we..what do you mean finally?

\- Umm, never mind , Freja is waiting for me downstairs actually, so I better go. Bye Felix,it was nice seeing you buddy.

And with that, in a blink of an eye Kian disappeared down the stairs,leaving his question hanging.

What did he mean finally?

Never mind, that was something to worry some other time. Right now his priority was to take care of his really drunk best friend.  
Felix hugged him tighter and started practically dragging him to his room.

He carefully, well as carefully as it was possible, place him on his bed, then he took off his shoes and covered him with a blanked.

Felix looked him. When he was asleep he looked so peaceful. The only movement was the slight rise and fall of his chest. It was hard to imagine that this was the same boy that woke up the storms in his heart. In sleep he was angelic, his face and features looked like a painting, done by the gentle hand of a skilled artist. It was the same boy, that with one smile made Felix's life brighter and meaningful, while at the same time breaking him.

He hated that.

He turned around and started walking to the door.  
-Felix?- Benjamin's voice was raspy,like be was screaming or singing the whole night,which he probably did.

-Yes.

-Could you stay with me tonight?

-Actually I really need some sleep, I hadn't..

-Please? I missed you so much.

And with that he gave in. Of course he did.  
That was the thing he hated the most. One look and he wanted to give his everything to him,one smile and he was ready to surrender.  
It was a fact,sadly but a fact.

Benjamin was his air,his sun,his moon and stars. Every little touch by him replased everyone that Felix tried to replace him with.

It was disastrous how bad he wanted him.

And now,when Benjamin had his hands wrapped around him,his head buried at the back of his neck and feeling his warm breath,sending chils down his spine, Felix couldn't help but love every second of it.  
It was catastrophic but he desperately desired every moment.

And if he wasn't gonna have that tomorrow,then he would enjoy it now,because he could never let anybody touch him like that,with purity,while somehow burning inside. 

-Thank you for staying, I love you- Felix could feel every word,every letter going throught his skin and stabbing his heart in the most beautiful way.

\- I love you too- he said,almost whispered,and thought Benjamin didn't heard him because he didn't received an answer. But he was tired so he let himself relax and fall asleep.

\- Sadly not in the way I desire.- Benjamin whispered, a whisper he had to imagine right?

He was dreaming. He was asleep and imagining things,right?

But what if..?

No.

__*__

In the morning Benjamin woke up, feeling like he was carrying the whole world on his shoulders. He was really hangover, and he finally understood why it's called like that. It felt like thousands of clouds were hanging over his head with no intention of disappearing any time soon. 

He got out of bed, and he couldn't help but notice that someone else was also sleeping next to him, not a long time ago.

But he was so drunk, he really couldn't figure out who that someone was. On the back of his mind he was wishing that it was Felix, not some stranger. After all it wasn't unusual for them to sleep next to each other,they had done so for many years and Benjamin was used to his presence and warmth,like he was used to the heat coming from the sun.

He walked to the kitchen, seeing the beautiful sight that is Felix drinking his coffee , while enjoying the sunlight coming from the window . It was marvellous actually, the sun caressing his soft skin,that looked golden because of the light. His light brown hair deflected the sunlight making it seem like silk.  
Benjamin really wanted to see his eyes in that moment. His eyes were the most beautiful shade of green. They sparkled like a bright, clear emerald lit by the flames of beauty itself. They reminded him of deep forest, of the leaves on the trees early in the morning, trying to catch every drop of sunlight they could.

Benjamin smiled by the thought. His Felix was truly a masterpiece. His best friend Felix,unfortunately.

-Good morning, Fe.  
Benjamin walked to the fridge trying to find breakfast, but he didn't like what he saw. He frowned.

-I made pancakes early that morning, they are probably cold now but it's better than nothing.- Felix didn't even have to turn back to know what was in his mind and Benjamin loved that. He loved their dynamic,he loved how they were used to each other. And that he was scared to lose.  
He smiled by the thought of pancakes and quickly opened the oven, because he was so hungry. And his head was hurting so bad.

\- Do we have some pill I could take to make the hungover go away? - Benjamin laughed at his own joke while he was heating up his breakfast. But Felix didn't. In fact he had not looked at him the whole time he was in the room. Something was not right.

\- Felix, is everything okay?

Benjamin knew he wouldn't turn or look at him, he just knew his best friend, better than himself. So he walked in front of him. Felix was looking down at his cup, so Benjamin gently lifted his chin so he would look at him. He reconised sadness in his eyes. That he didn't like at all.  
Benjamin cupped his cheek,gently stroking it.

\- Tell me what wrong, Felix.

Felix leaned to the touch,enjoying it,but after a second he pushed Benjamin's hand.

-You know, you can't do that.

What? 

-What do you mean, have I done something wrong yesterday?

Benjamin's heart skipped a beat,or at least it felt like it. Felix talked gently but he could fell the coldness and distress in his voice and that burned his soul.

-It's actually something that you said, you can't say things like that, while you are drunk and I know you didn't mean them sober. It hurts Benjamin.

Oh no. What had he done.  
Did he said something stupid, did he try to make a move on him or worse? Did he hurt him.

Oh no, he had fucked up, big time.

\- I really don't remember, please tell me, we are best friends, I'm sure we will figure things out.

Felix looked him in the eyes and Benjamin felt a cold shiver down his back. His Felix never looked him like that. The only things Benjamin saw at that moment in his eyes were pain and... disgust. 

-No Benjamin, we are not just fucking best friends and you really need to figure things out.

Felix walked to the front door,grabbing his jacket from the closed next to it.  
Why was he leaving? Why was he running from him?

-I don't know what you mean.

Benjamin had decided to play it as he was a fool until he made sure that his thoughts about what had happened were true. Hopefully it was just a misunderstanding.

Felix opened the door, and his next few words,despite spoken by the softest voice, made Benjamin's heart ache. 

-Best friends don't do the things we do. They do not sleep together,wrapped around each other. Best friends don't touch each other like we do and best friends certainly don't kiss each other. You need to wake up, Benjamin. We really need to talk,but for the moment I need time.  
Felix gave him a quick smile,then close the door and leaved as fast as the summer in Sweden.  
_________  
Benjamin sat at the couch and put his face it his hands. What had just happened.

In one thing he was sure. He had said something, something wrong. But what could upset Felix that much.

He tried to not think about it. But how could he not think about Felix. He was at Benjamin's mind at all times.  
He tried to go back to sleep, because his head was killing him. But how could he sleep when Felix was out there. He was out there with all his love.

He took his favorite picture of them, the one sitting on his night stand. They looked so happy there. In fact, Benjamin was happiest in his company.  
Happiness was what he felt whenever Felix walked through the door.Just being near him lights him up inside, gived him a serenity he can never know without him being close. Benjamin felt like the breaths he took weren't full when Felix was away. Just lying next to him,being in his arms was his favourite place in the world. It's him that created the warmth in his soul, him that filled him full of love and keeped the fire burning in him. Benjamin knew he was so deeply fallen for him, and the thought of losing him..well he didn't even want to think about that.

He couldn't stay here thinking about that. Fuck time and space. He was gonna find Felix and make things right.

__*__

It was not that cold , which was unusual for that time of the year in Sweden. It was in fact beautiful actually. It was still early but the sundown had already passed so the only light around him was the dim light of the street lamp not far from him.

He loved that place, it was a park close to their apartment. In the comfort of the night, the park seemed more silvery between the the shadows that stretch out as if yawning. Already the warmth of the autumn day was quite gone, only ever present in the sunshine, and the first bite of winter paled his skin.

Felix felt comfortable, despite the soon arived darknes. Here he felt alone with his thoughts and that was what he needed the most at the moment.

He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths and enjoying the cold clear air.

-Felix?

It was comical, he had seen Benjamin a few hours ago and he already missed him so much that he was hearing his voice.

-Felix I know you are mad but I need you to talk to me, please.

Felix opened his eyes,he was not imagining things, Benjamin was if front of him, in flesh and blood. He looked terrible,like he hadn't slept for days, but somehow still the most beautiful person Felix had seen all his life.

-How did you find me?

-Fe, I know you better than I know myself. We have been friends for so long,I know everything. I know your favourite things, I know the way you smell and walk, I know what your every smile means and I definitely know your favourite place you go when you want to escape from the world and be alone.

It was true, Felix was sure about that. He knew Benjamin like that too. But the more he knew , the more he loved him and the pain of losing him just became stronger.

Benjamin sat next to him, facing him.

-Okay if you are not going to talk, I will. I really don't know what have I said or done while I was drunk, but help me fix it and make things right.

He was tired,so tired of hiding that only the thought of keeping his feelings hidden any second later poisoned him.

Okay,here goes everything.

-You really hadn't done nothing wrong it's mostly me and my mind playing games. 

-Tell me please.

-You said I don't love you the way you desire. I guessed you have figured out about my feelings and you are scared that things between us will change, now that I like you in that way.

Benjamin didn't say anything for a long time. He just smiled. His smile shined like the stars in the sky, with no bright city lights to dim them. He came closer to Felix and put his hand on his, cupping his face with the other.

-Not what I meant.

Then he kissed him,which leaved Felix in shock for a brief moment. He had kissed Benjamin before, but that kiss was different from the others.  
It was soft and gentle and maybe there were not fireworks or sparks, but it was better than that – Felix felt a wave of warmth that filled him up with joy and comfort. Benjamin moved his hand and now it was resting below his ear, his thumb caressing Felix's cheek as their breaths mingled.  
He smiled at that gesture, accidentally breaking the kiss.  
\- Well I guess you could say I love you in the way you want then.  
They both laughed. It was like the pain from few moments ago had disappeared,leaving only happiness and love.  
He moved even closer to Benjamin and leaned so their foreheads were touching. Dear Lord, he couldn’t fight against the thoughts that were going through him. The thought of tasting his lips again was flooding his senses now... to have him in the way he had dreamed of for so long.

He touched his lips, at first slowly but when he felt Benjamin's lips parting he became bolder. They kissed,not innocently, like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. Felix felt his senses being seduced and he could no longer think straight. In his mind was only him. His Benjamin. Benjamin with all his love.

Finally he was happy,truly and undoubtedly happy.

**Author's Note:**

> If you got here, I want to thank you so much for reading and I hope I didn't disappoint you.
> 
> If you want leave me a comment, you will make me happy. :)


End file.
